I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You dont lie about slip and slides
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
