When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
