Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
