So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need water and some morals
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
