Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Two words: blizzard sex
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
