just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
