There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
