i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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