I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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