I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
