Welp...herpes.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize