trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Two words: blizzard sex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
