By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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