Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
