Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
