i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
