I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she peed on how many people?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
