i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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