I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
wow bdsm is so cute
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