I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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