So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
