9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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