Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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