Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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