I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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