You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
