I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
