She went from zero to smokin in five shots
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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