This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ugly people sure do ruin things
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize