Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
