I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
