Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
