I think im going to throw up on grandma
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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