My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize