I wish I only lived at night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
