I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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