i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
