I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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