You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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