Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
