Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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