I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
