i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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