We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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