So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You ruined the universe
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
