oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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