I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
