sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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