Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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