i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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