nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're too hungover to prance.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
