Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
