Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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