I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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