im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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