1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
