Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
