You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
