He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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