I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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