It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
