My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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