Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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