Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
