I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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