Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
