He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm like, not good at living.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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