dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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