Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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