I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
