also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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