Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
