I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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