worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
