Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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