Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
