Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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