Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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