i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
