Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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